Schizophrenia: “Catch All The Meteors You Can With Only Two Hands”

Schizophrenia: “Catch All The Meteors You Can With Only Two Hands”

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“NASA on that bullshit, they always croppin’ out my crew,” TDE rapper, Ab-Soul, on his 2012 single, “Nibiru”.

To be clear, I don’t know much about astronomy, but I don’t necessarily believe the photos of outer space shown to the public, either.

In the middle of my post-Abilify awakening, I believe that having a schizophrenic mind prevents me from trusting my gut instinct in a lot of situations, both alone and in the company of others. Sometimes, schizophrenic minds and creatives will second guess themselves out of their gut instinct. That is what allows us to take ideas steps further and be innovators. The problem with that arises when you consider that our gut instinct, our intuition, our first thought, is usually accurate. We should trust it for survival and production. I am fully aware that I am different. I used to downplay the idea that schizophrenia and creativity were tied together. In recent years, however, I’ve come to realize that as I entertain so many thoughts, I give off the impression that I have my head in the clouds at all times. I think this is how most people perceive me. “Weird” is a commonly used word to describe me. I don’t take offense to it. I have to embrace it somehow, along with all of my experience.

At times, specifically when I’m ultra-paranoid and psychotic, there are so many thoughts to consider in a very short amount of time, often seconds or less. Some of them are so random and arrive at such a velocity that they blend into something random, but beautiful and/or ironic. But in many of these instances, they’re blurred together so much that they only make sense for not even a split second. Some of my most creative ideas have probably hit and vanished in this fashion.

Chris Milbourn, November 2012

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Chris Mills
Chris Mills
Editor-in-Chief at Demencha Magazine LLC and Send music and event submissions to LOCALS BEFORE LEGENDS.

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